There’s a fun and flirty little ABC of sex that often does the rounds. You know how it goes – A is for anal, B is for blowjob, C is for cum… but do you know what the most used letters in the language of sex are? BDSM. And BDSM is certainly less prudish and definitely more in your face – try doing all of the above at the same time with your arms chained to the ceiling.
So let’s start with defining what the letters BDSM actually stand for; Bondage and Dominance, Dominance and Submission & Sadism and Masochism, these are the major themes of the BDSM kink and people can be into one or more of these.
The acts of dominance and submission are far and wide the most popular and well-known pastime to kinksters of this variety. These roles are acted out in a Master/Slave type relationship, with one individual being the dominant and the other submissive – it’s also common for people to ‘switch’.
We use the acronym BDSM today, but it wasn’t coined until the mid 20th century by Dr Robert V. Bienvenu, PhD. who was studying the origins of sadomasochism and fetishism. His study took him to the depths of diaries, novels, poetry and short stories of two men; Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895).
The act of sadism can be defined as getting enjoyment from inflicting pain upon another being – anything from a light spanking through to the far more painful practices such as nipple clamping.
Marquis de Sade was an eccentric French aristocrat and Philosopher who spent much of his life imprisoned in a mental institution due to his unusual ‘singular’ interests. Sade’s ‘singular’ interests were very heavy on violence and pain during sexual practices with his lovers. His imagery (both visual and written) often depicted graphic flagellation, whips, chains, blood, criminal acts and a myriad of other taboos. He enjoyed the act of inflicting pain on sexual partners, and it’s due to his (rather extreme) tendencies and detailed accounts of such that we have the modern-day ‘Sadism’.
Sacher-Masoch is the man who gave us the flipside – masochism. Masochism is the act of enjoying the feeling of pain. Usually, this goes hand in hand with the ‘S’ in BDSM – the act of submitting. Masochism can also be anything from a little spank through to severe pain and even marks left on the body.
Sacher-Masoch is most famous for writing, and subsequently acting out with his wife, the fascinating Venus in Furs. Venus in Furs is the story of a man who falls for a dominant woman and wants her to make him her slave. The theme of degradation is strong in this and the acts he requests she makes him do become more and more obscure and shocking. The modern-day version of this is seeing someone being dragged around Tescos pretending to be a dog whilst dressed in leather.
Between the two men may be when we acknowledged ‘BDSM’ from an educational and historical point of view, but it certainly wasn’t the first documented instance. Oh, they may have called it a different name, but what we call BDSM practices can be traced back to the Mesopotamian (4000BC!) and undoubtedly Ancient Roman times, The Romans and Egyptians are well-know fetishists. There are countless depictions of whips, orgies, restraints and master/slave relationships in art from these civilisations.
And what about the almost vanilla love-making guide everyone has heard of, the beloved Kama Sutra? Yep, in there too. Published in 1883, the Kama Sutura is a visual guide for bonking and in several sections discusses the practice of ‘erotic hitting’ ergo slapping and spanking for pleasure from both the dominant and submissive in the scenario.
Across the world, there are gloriously depraved images of the very first kinksters to be found in dusty books, on ancient vases and even in the pyramids. Now in the 21st century, it’s fair to say BDSM is at the fore – from the dungeons and dominatrixes of Germany and the risque Killing Kittens parties in London to the average Joe with a riding crop and a pair of handcuffs. And even in mainstream media – 50 Shades of Grey had not one, but three films. More recently, we’ve had 365 days from Netflix, which showed choking, degradation and which focused on a year-long master/slave imprisonment plot. Kinky is normcore.
So, if you’re nervous about dipping your toe in the BDSM pool, remember that you’re following a practice which is perhaps six thousand years old and if you need any tips, hop on to Netflix.
(A little reminder about consent here – consent is ALWAYS required in BDSM and safe words are advised.)
